So I’m just a guy from New York who moved to Las Vegas and decided to start a blog. I don’t know what a blog is and I read like two “how to write a blog websites”. So basically what I’m going to talk about is life and how I live it, and hopefully some weird uber stories that I have on my drives. I’m by no means a good writer. I have been constantly told that my grammar and writing is horrible. I don’t give a fuck though so I’m going to do my best here. So that picture above is of me and my girlfriend Marisa (she lives back in New York and will be mentioned often). She’s pretty amazing dealing with my stupid ass moving to the armpit of the country and not breaking up with me. So basically I want my first blog (do you call your first post a blog) to be kind of an introduction of me. I know nobody gives a shit about what I do but I’m obviously not doing this for the general public; this is more about me talking to people while not having to say I have yet to make a legitimate friend here in Vegas. I so far have no interest in living here. I love gambling and drinking but why does everybody here seem to do it alone. I want to meet people can drink and gamble and hopefully do incredibly stupid shit with. I went to college at two state schools back in NY. I left the first one (SUNY New Paltz) to go to SUNY Cortland for ridiculous reasons that I’ll discuss at a later date. So my therapist says I should get out there and make some friends so instead I decided to make a blog. I’m not sure if this is the same thing but at least I get to write about how angry I get instead of actually telling people about my feelings. OK… so here we go I’m going to write about this city and tell you how I feel about it in my first blog. First off, I went to a pizzeria. I don’t know who has been to a pizzeria outside of New York, but don’t ever do it. It’s not a pizzeria if you don’t sell by the slice. What the fuck am I supposed to do buy myself a whole fucking pie or a personal 8 inch pie that would leave a 4 year old hungry. ANDDD if I’m gonna buy this personal fucking pie why the fuck does it take 20 minutes to make. Why isn’t there pizza ready by the slice in the window. Is it that fucking terrible you have to hide the ingredients in the back. Here’s a fucking hint, make the fucking pizza and put it in the window, if nobody buys it then you should not own a fucking pizzeria. Also, why instead of lines in the road are there these three little bumps painted yellow every 5 feet to construct the lanes. Are we all fucking blind and just feeling the bumps to know which lane we’re in. NO. We’re not. At least I’m not but I see a fucking accident every time I drove home from work. I’m not trying to exaggerate. I do exaggerate often but not here. Every time I drive home from work its like two idiots decided to close there eyes and try to feel the road. I have done the same thing, I mean you can ask my friends Mike or Matt, we always cover each others eyes while were driving (I know that’s not safe but realistically I’m still here so its under control. Last thing I want to discuss is why so many New Yorkers have been moved here. I am a speech pathologist and half of my clients are from New York. What The Fuck Is Everyone Thinking. This is NOT where New Yorkers belong. I move 10x faster than any other human here. I walk, talk, move, eat, and drink more and faster than the people I have met. Even my uber drivers drive 10 miles under the fucking speed limit. So if you haven’t figured it out, this whole blog will be a giant mass of complaints. I don’t really give care, cause all I do is complain anyway…ask any of my friends. So to save my friends some problems from now on I’ll discuss all the terrible things we deal with on this blog that made for 35 dollars. I’m now actually realizing that I paid 35 dollars to write about my feelings. This is healthy. To anyone that actually reads this, keep reading I’ll get to be a better complainer, I promise.
Your Cousin Vinny