Microwaves

So I heard that there has been some nonsense about microwaves going on with Kellyanne Conway. I read up on it for like less than two minutes and I feel pretty confident that I barely know what she was referring to. Either way, it doesn’t matter. I get that it is probably not a good thing for people to be spied on but I really couldn’t care less (is my privilege showing?). One of my patients walks in today and tells me she needs to talk to me. Oh and this particular patient calls me “Mr. Wonderful”, which is probably not a compliment, but I think I’m surely a fucking wonder. Anyway, this patient asked me if I heard about the microwaves. Naturally, I said, “no, what are you talking about.” She proceeds to tell me about Kellyanne Conway saying that microwaves can see us and yada yada. I start smirking at her like she’s an idiot and she catches my sarcasm. She remarks, “why do you look so doubtful.” Well I voice my opinion about this by sarcastically suggesting, “don’t you think someone would have taken apart there microwave by now to check for the camera.” She takes me seriously at this point and says, “no they use the radiation from the microwaves to see through wall.” What!!! At this point I literally started laughing  because of 2 reasons. Number 1, if that’s true, that’s hysterical and I wish I could see some of the footage. Number 2, that is some of the dumbest motherfuckin shit I’ve ever heard. That’s the kind of shit someone comes up with after smoking some of those funny cigarettes. So I ask her where she heard of this concept of superman vision microwaves. She retorts, “my husband worked for the CIA so he knew about these things.” I obviously left it alone at this point because I wasn’t going to sit there and argue with a patient about the laws of physics. It really is like I’m a totally different person at work; we all know even if I didn’t know what I was talking about I would’ve kept arguing anywhere else. I just can’t imagine living like that. By living like that I basically mean living without a microwave, which I imagine would make life close to impossible. Anyway, if you feel the need to protect yourself from a microwave, then watch out for toaster ovens, especially the brave little toaster cause that fucker has some crazy friends.

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