The Olive Garden

So I don’t know how many of you (the 4 people who read this) have been blessed with going to the OG, but I was lucky enough to go last week. I guess if you don’t know Italian food it really isn’t that bad. The only reason I mention this is because if you put German food in front of me, I wouldn’t know if it was good or authentic or anything. Either way, I don’t understand why this place was busy when I arrived on a Monday night at 5:30. My boss asked me and Marisa to meet her there around this time so we arrive and I tell the hostess that we’re meeting a party of 5 there. She asked me if they are here yet. I asked her if any tables of 5 that were missing two people sat yet at which point she says, “I’m not too sure, would you like to take a look around?” So just to premise this part, this is no small restaurant. There are two sides of the place and a bar. “I don’t want to look around, no thanks,” I said. She then tells me it would really help her out if I looked around. All I can think is you’re the fucking host, why am I supposed to help YOU out. She laughs it off and I just respond with, “if you haven’t sat anyone waiting for people they are probably not here, we’ll just take a table for 5 and we’ll wait here or you can seat us, whatever works for you.” Some 18 year old kid takes me and Marisa to the table and before we even sit down this kid is telling me what to order. He just continuously keeps saying “order the chicken parm man, its my favorite, Chicken parm man. Get the chicken parm. Do you like chicken parm?” Like dude, I get it. You like the fucking chicken parm. Let me see the menu or at least fucking sit down before I decide what to eat. He finally leaves us alone and then a waitress comes over with a quarter full bottle of red wine and asks if we’d like to taste it. I don’t know if this customary but that just struck me as weird. Do I want to try your used up wine? Not really. Then she asked if other people are joining us. We’re sitting at a giant round table, what the fuck do you think? I tell her they’re right around the corner and they’ll be here in a couple seconds. She responds with saying, “one..two.. they’re not here.” Now I’m not sure if she was trying to be funny here, but she was missing on all cylinders. Finally the rest of our party gets there. We order our food and I shit you not, within 3 minutes, everything is brought out. Interesting concept; either everyone that comes here is so dumb that they think they can actually cook the food that quickly, or people don’t care about ordering microwaved food. SO whatever, the food is tasteless yada yada, we both had soup so it couldn’t be that terrible, but this isn’t a review on Olive Garden. I’m assuming the few people that are reading this probably wouldn’t go there anyway. The kicker to this story is when we walk out. Marisa and I walked out just a little ahead of everyone and the hostess stops me and asks, “what happened?” I ask, “what do you mean?” She says, “did you find them?” DID I FIND THEM?!?! I was in the restaurant for an hour. Where the fuck did you think I went. I actually think that I laughed and responded with, “where did you think I went.” I just laughed at her and ended up walking out. No dramatic ending to this story. But overall, my main understanding of the people who work at Olive Garden is that they definitely should be working at Olive Garden.

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