Quitting the Gym

So, have you ever had to quit a gym? It’s worse than breaking up with your girlfriend. The manager or owner always tries to make you feel terrible about the situation. Like, you come to the gym to see them, not because its conveniently 1 mile from your house and exercising can be somewhat important to your health.

Friday, I had to quit my gym because I’m moving to the other side of town. Honestly, I thought this woman was going to cry. She is always so happy to see me. Every time I come in, she tells me about her day and when I leave she always says, “Alright Vince, see you tomorrow.” Which, I may add, is quite the subliminal message to keep me coming back to the gym. Its almost like because she says that, I keep showing up the next day.

So, I explain that I’m moving to the other side of town and ask whether or not there is another location closer to my area. The manager/owner or whatever she is, immediately starts questioning me about why. I explain to her my reasoning and this is when the fun part happens. This is when they start coming up with completely irrational and inconvenient ways for you to keep coming. Keep in mind, where I moved is about 13 miles from the gym and where I work is about 15 miles. So, first she says, “why don’t you get a mountain bike and ride it here? That will save you gas and you’ll get exercise.” I literally laughed at her and said, “I’m only 1 mile away right now and I still drive here. Once I’m here I ride the bike for a total of 20 minutes, and maybe ride 5 miles?” AND even that’s a lot.

Her next unreasonable explanation was to join the gym on the other side of town, which is 19 miles past my job and house. She warranted that it was okay because, “It’s a beautiful drive.” I ask, “how many times you think it takes me driving it for it not to be beautiful anymore?”

So, finally, she asks that last question where you know she’s all out of reasons, “so, there’s nothing I can do to get you to stay?” I answer her question with a pretty generic response, although, somewhat passionate, “Its not you, its me.” She does not find it as amusing as I thought she might, and just stares at me for a second. Finally she turns away and starts explaining the quitting process to me. I should have told her, “You know what?! The jerk store called and they’re running out of you!” But just like George, I’m always just a little bit too late.

Ultimately, she unshackles me from the gym membership and I feel like a newly single man. I get to go try a bunch of new gyms and not feel bad about hurting my old gym’s feelings. The saddest part about quitting was when I left the owner didn’t say she’d see me tomorrow. My membership doesn’t end until Friday. So, unfortunately, I will see her a few more times. She did remind me Friday, that I could keep my key card, just in case I ever want to come back. And that, ladies and gentleman was about the most pathetic thing that anyone has ever said to me.

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