Being A Yankee Fan

People hate the Yankees. It’s no surprise with the amount of money the team pays out to some of the greatest players there ever were. I get that we are never really going to be “underdogs” with the salary we have, but to me, it sure as hell feels like it. One side of my family roots for the Met’s and the other roots for the Yankees. I’ve grown up feeling the hate they had watching the Yankees win pennant after pennant. The good part about living in New York was just that. Although half of the New Yorkers hated the Yankees, the other half loved them.

Being outside of New York, I now realize everyone hates the Yankees. There is no half of the population out here that likes the Yankees. I was at the bar last night and felt the reality of this when I walked in with my Yankees hat and Bronx Bombers t-shirt. I was heckled within an 5 minutes of being inside the bar. One guy immediately started chastising me as soon as I walked in. The guy is telling me, “the Yankees don’t belong here,” “Aaron Judge isn’t an MVP with all these strikeouts,” and “They’re lucky the ump is calling all these strikes.” I wanted to tell the guy, “listen you fuck, the Yankees are here in the ALCS with the other team, what the fuck do you mean they don’t belong here?” Instead I just said, “oh yeah? Where’s your team?” To which he replied “waiting for your to play in the World Series.” Okay sir, you may have got me here, but I’ll get you back. Mark my words.

Another guy came over to me and actually whispered in my ear and said “the Yankees suck.” This one just really creeped me out. I’m not sure why he felt like he needed to whisper this in my ear. This guy had to be at least 50 years old. It just seemed like an odd way of expressing your feelings toward my team choice.

Most of the bar was rooting for the Astros. Actually, let me rephrase that. Most of the bar was rooting AGAINST the Yankees. People were yelling and screaming about it. The only guy who was rooting for the Yankees was this guy who was seemingly annoyed by the first man who was heckling me.

This man was very drunk by the end of the game, and got really fired up when the Yankees lost. He put his arm around my shoulder like we were friends and continued reaming into me. So, finally I was about to get my revenge. His wife was visibly pissed off about how drunk he was. He was at that point of belligerency where you don’t care about the amount of trouble you’re going to be in the morning. Nothing seems to matter except trying not fall over. He was cooked. Roasted. Toasted. Lit up like a Christmas Tree. His wife was trying to drag him out of the bar and it was clear he didn’t want to leave but he was about to cave. So, I baited him right in front of his wife. So, like any good New Yorker, I made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. I through my arm around his shoulder, yelled to the bartender, “two shots of Jameson,” and watched the hilarity ensue. She starts hollering at him and tried to grab his keys. That’s when they really got into a fight. She pointed at him and said, “don’t you take that shot.” I looked at her, looked back at him, clinked glasses and watched him down his shot. She grabbed his keys and stormed out. I looked at the guy next to me and smiled. I’m fairly certain he knew how diabolical this was. You may have won game 6, but enjoy sleeping on the couch asshole.

So, to all the Yankee haters, keep fueling the fire. The Yankees have won 27 World Series being the most hated team in America and they’re only going to win more. I want to thank the good lord for making me a Yankee [fan]. So, while your team enjoys golf the Bronx Bombers go back to work tonight. Let’s go Yankees!

Sports with Friends: I Thought She Knew Something About College Football

Written by: Nicole

The transition from summer to fall is symbolic to many people for many reasons: the start of a new school year; the time of year you promise yourself you’ll stop meeting your friends for rooftop happy hour on a Wednesday only to wake up at 4am hovering over your sink repeatedly chugging glasses of water; the time of year you give up on the Mets (if you haven’t already); the time of year you see four thousand Instagram posts of pumpkin spice lattes with the caption “lol I’m so #basic”; etc., etc., etc

Since 2009, fall has meant something else to me. Fall means college football season. I’ve gone to two big football schools over the past nine football seasons and attend/watch pretty much every game, but I somehow don’t know shit about college football. People constantly think I know things about college football being that I’ve been immersed in it for so long, but I’m honestly just here for the beer, food, and the excuse to drink at 9am on a Saturday at age 26. So yeah, here I am doing a blog on sports (kind of).

Growing up, my family wasn’t really a football family. My dad grew up in Europe and we’re all extremely short—except for my sister who should just admit she’s adopted at this point—so we were soccer people, and unfortunately Mets fans. In 2009, I graduated high school and went to the University of Miami along with an extremely geographically diverse student population the rest of Long Island. That’s when I became to LOVE college football season. 18-years-old, living in Miami, tailgating and rooting for a team that was not only good, but was fun to watch. I ended up living in Miami for six years, where I had Canes season tickets every year and attended every game against FSU, both home and away.

In 2015, I moved to Ann Arbor, Michigan. Yeah, I moved from the “Sunshine State” to the “State with the Largest Municipal Bankruptcy Filing in the U.S.,” otherwise known as the “State with no Sun.” Besides there being a lack of sun, an uncomfortable amount of white people, and an absence of decent food, Ann Arbor isn’t bad—especially in the fall when the entire state of Michigan congregates in the Big House, because what the fuck else is there to do here

Tailgating here is awesome, but wildly different than Miami. For starters, in Miami we took an hour bus ride to an NFL stadium which constituted part of the whole tailgating thing. Thinking back, it was often when a lot of the damage was done—just walking onto the bus with bright eyes, experiencing an hour of mayhem driving up i-95, and hopping off the emergency exit on the side of Florida Turnpike looking like Ms. Frizzle forced you to funnel 3 Natty Lights while riding the goddamn Magic School Bus. Then, we’d find an opening in the fence of parking lot and make our way to the tailgate where there would be a bunch of shit going on, which almost always included an entitled kid from the northeast “DJing,” otherwise known as “plugging an iPod into speakers.” We’d eventually head into the nearly-empty stadium (Ever been to a sporting event in Florida? Shit’s bleak), which didn’t really bother us because this wasn’t an NCAA stadium. This was a NFL stadium, which meant…more beer – imperative to a marathon. After enough was enough, we’d take the bus back to Coral Gables, where it dropped us off directly across the street from a TGIFriday’s. I cannot begin to imagine how many mozzarella sticks I ate post-football game between 2009-2014 and I’d prefer not to think about it

Back to Michigan. I should probably note that the most glaring difference between tailgating in Miami and tailgating here is my age. I’m 26 now and I literally look like a narc roaming through college students’ tailgates. Anyway, I woke up on the day of my first Michigan game SO excited and ready to go at 8am. I asked my friend where the tailgate was and she said, “So-and-so’s house.” Confused by this, I answered “Oh, not the pregame, the tailgate—like how far is the stadium?” This is when I found out that Michigan tailgates take place on the front lawns of the houses—this was going to be an issue. I was snooty and most of my law school friends went to nerd schools for undergrad so they didn’t have big football programs, and I just figured this was another weird thing about Michigan (there are A LOT). Happy to admit I was wrong. First off, Ann Arbor is wildly strict about open container laws, so they’re not really big on the whole “walk and drink to the stadium” thing. As most of you know, Florida is a lawless state, so I wasn’t used to this. Second, the stadium is a college football stadium, aka no drinking on stadium grounds. I still find this interesting because it just encourages underage kids to binge prior to the game, and also encourages 26-year-old adults to binge prior to the game and then complain about developing a headache in the third quarter. Oh, “drink some water,” you say? If you think I’m going to pay $5 for a bottle of water, you are out of your fucking mind. I’ll stick to complaining. Regardless, this encouragement provides for an interesting tailgate

Anyway, we get to the tailgate and I obviously know close to no one, as it was only my second week in Ann Arbor. It was at this point that I decided some hard alcohol would be a good idea, a quick shot-ski could bring out some of my social skills. I proceeded to drink some beers and felt like I was actually becoming friends with some people. My new friends told me about the strict open container laws and that we had to do all of our drinking at the tailgate before leaving, as in we had to compensate for lost time we would have otherwise had at the stadium. After playing 47 drinking games, we stumbled to the stadium. Shit is UNREAL. Literally feels like you’re swimming in a sea of Michigan fans, I’ve never seen anything like it in my life (DEFINITELY not at Miami). I’m going to be honest, I don’t remember a lot of that first game besides my bewilderment of the sheer number of people in one place, so that’s really it about “the game.”

My friends and I were walking home from the game, walking that fine line of “am I blacked out, or…?” when I felt an alarming need to pee. I realized I had not peed all day—it was probably 3pm at this point and you’d be surprised how many light beers I can fit into this little body over the course of a day. I was too awkward to tell my new friends, so I told them that I had to stop somewhere on my way home. I obviously didn’t have to stop anywhere, I hardly knew where I was and I didn’t know how cool a restaurant would be with a drunk, noncustomer barging into the bathroom. Once I got away from them, I sprinted home. No joke—sprinted through the packed streets of Ann Arbor. I thought I wasn’t going to make it several times (pretty sure I was gripping my crotch the entire way), but I made it to the law quad. I was so proud of myself, I made it, I made it!

And then I peed my pants. I was wearing jeans. I couldn’t stop, so I literally just sat down. Right in the middle of the law quad, on concrete, leaving a massive puddle. I looked around and miraculously no one was around. I must have beaten the crowd while I was sprinting, so in hindsight I’m grateful for pulling that weird move. I scurried home and proceeded to shower in my jeans. I didn’t tell any of those “new” friends until six months later

So yeah, it’s been a wild ride. Transitioning from Miami to Michigan tailgates was weird, yet awesome. Even though this is my final season of a nine-year tailgating streak, I hope I’m still mistaken for someone who knows about college football, and I definitely hope that I am lucky enough to experience a tailgate so fun that I pee my pants.

Written by: Nicole

Sports with Friends: The Yanks Take on Citi

Written by: J

Hurricanes Harvey and Irma sucked. There’s no question about it. Harvey went to Houston and fucked shit up, then Irma saw his snapchat story, said, “hold my beer,” and made her way to Florida to one up him. My heart goes out to all those who were affected by it. Unless you live under a rock, you already know that these storms caused some serious damage as they ripped through some areas – which is far more important than what I am about to talk about – but they also had a relatively unique impact on the sports world, causing games throughout Texas and Florida to be postponed, cancelled and relocated. In Miami alone, Dolphin fans were forced to wait for their inevitably disappointing Jay Cutler-driven season to start. University of Miami fans were robbed of a marquee matchup against the Arkansas State Red Wolves. Now, I get that football season is back, but as a washed up baseball player who was cut from my high school team (not to brag/fuck you Coach Sheedy), I think its important to remind everyone that playoff baseball is right around the corner, and a few baseball series with playoff implications were relocated as a result of the storms, which was far more important to me. Most notably, a three game set between the Yankees and the Rays was moved out of Florida and up to New York.

Normally, Yankees vs. Rays games in Tampa Bay are filled with New Yorkers who retired to a senior development in Florida, where the key to getting laid is to simply have the physical ability to get it up or enough mental awareness to drive places. So, moving the series to New York really didn’t seem like that big of a deal, but to preserve some type of home field advantage for the Rays, this was moved to Citi Field instead of Yankee Stadium – an interesting development. As a Yankee fan, I am not afraid to admit that Citi Field is far superior to Yankee Stadium, a place that kicked me out for wearing a judge costume the first week of this season and where the consistent answer you get when you ask for honey mustard sauce in the left field bleachers is “we used to have it, but we don’t anymore.” For starters – what does that even mean? Where the fuck did it go? Did someone break into Yankee stadium and steal all the honey mustard from that section? If they did, they should make an Ocean’s Eleven style movie about it staring the Fast and Furious cast – because that’s a movie I’d watch. Anyway, this series was a big one for the Yankees, who are in the midst of a playoff run and are notorious for casually getting swept by the bottom-of-the-standings Rays when it really matters. That, and the fact that they were offering best available seats for a $25 flat rate, prompted me and some buddies to go to game two of the series. Here are some takeaways:

“Holy shit these lines are unreal” – This was a reoccurring theme of my night at Citi. Who would have thought that everyone and their uncle would show up to a Yankee game at Citi Field for $25 tickets, right? It was an impromptu game and Citi Field was clearly understaffed, which is completely understandable based on the circumstances. I heard from a completely unreliable source that the average wait time at a concession stand was roughly 45 minutes and I’m not ashamed to admit that I missed an inning of the game so that I could shove two Kosher hotdogs down my throat and wash them down with a $6 water. At one point, I overheard a guy talking about the wait for Shake Shack in such a concerned tone that you would have thought the Wilpons kidnapped his family and were holding them for ransom to dig themselves out of the hole that Bernie Madoff’s ponzi scheme left them in. Great kosher dogs though.

“Get Sonny some runs!” – Now for some actual baseball talk. Sonny Gray was the Yankees big trade deadline acquisition. If you ever watch an interview with him, he isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but damn can he pitch. I personally had some doubts about Sonny when we made the trade, but since then, his stats have been as advertised. In 8 starts for the Yanks, Sonny has put together a 3-5 record with a 2.66 ERA and .206 BAA. People immediately look at his 3-5 record and say he hasn’t lived up to the hype and those people are idiots. The man has gotten zero run support from the Yankees offense when he pitches. In five of his eight starts, the Yankees have scored one or less runs to back Sonny up – all 5 resulting in losses, Tuesday’s game at Citi included. You can’t win if you don’t score runs – bottom line.

“Sittin’ Pretty” – Overall, we took the series at Citi 2-1 – I have to admit, it was nice to win a series on the Mets turf this way after the whole “Take Back NY” stunt they tried to pull, as they blue balled their entire fan base with an honestly impressive collapse following their World Series appearance two years ago. We head into a four game weekend set against the Orioles, three games back in the division, but three games up in the wildcard. Even though we have been playing well lately this team just does some stupid shit. With the third best run differential in baseball of +155 our record should be better than it is. We are either winning by 9 or losing by 1 and have lost too many close games from either a bullpen collapse (which I think we figured out) or a no show offense. Despite some shortcomings, the Yanks have won their last four series and I think we are in good shape. We have the talent and depth to compete with any team; it’s just a question of whether we can put it all together when it matters. We’ll see what happens comes playoffs, but I think its safe to say that we have officially taken back New York Citi (see what I did there?).

Written by: J

Sports with Friends: Welcome to Fall

Written by: Iceberg

Welcome to fall. The NFL is back and the great fucking pumpkin season of pumpkin beer, pumpkin picking and pumpkin spice lattes is upon us. But I am hear to talk about September’s forgotten soldier, formally known as the boys of summer. Yep, if you haven’t already guessed from my half made up sayings, that’s right, I’m talking about baseball. Every year I hear “baseball’s boring” or “baseball’s too slow” well thats why your cousin Vinny brought me here. To convince you that is EXACTLY why you should like baseball. I am about to give you 3 reasons that will make you a baseball fan for life.

Naps: You ever wake up hungover on a Saturday morning and cannot fall back asleep? Well boy, do I have a solution for you. Its called turning on a 1 o’clock baseball game and watching the first 2 innings as the announcers gently tuck you tight under the covers. You wake up during the seventh inning stretch feeling like a new man (or woman, I’ll have to ask your cousin Vinny about his target audience here). Not only do you wake up in the 7th, but sometimes you wake up to a one run game, with guys like Dellin Betances throwing 100 mph cheese, that will make your dutch oven beer farts smell like roses. Nothing better than close baseball games in the 7th inning on and thats a fact.

162 Games: Has a friend ever asked you to go get some tacos and tequila on a Tuesday night? Maybe go out on a Wednesday to get 2fers? You want to know how I respond? “Fuck that I have have to go to work tomorrow. I can’t be doing that. I’m not in college anymore. However, I will go to that crummy local dive bar that so happens to have $2 miller lites on a Wednesday to watch the Yankee game.” You see what I did there? You see what I tell people at work or a girlfriend so that she won’t get mad at me. My point is baseball is always on and it always gives us an excuse to hangout with friends or pound back a couple of casuals. People say that baseball players should not be payed millions compared to the hard-working teachers. Well, I’m pretty sure the school year is only 161 days and baseball is 162 so you tell me whose working harder.

Chicks: Has anyone been to a baseball game recently? Because I have. One thing I noticed was all the beautiful girls there. (I was of course there with my mom) Now, I am not saying you go to baseball games to pick up chicks. However, if you find a girl thats cool enough to go to baseball games with you (most likely because her father would take her as a young kid, because in his heart he wishes he had a son) than you keep that girl around. There are a few things that are certain in this life and they are death, taxes and chicks digging the long ball. And hey, if you don’t believe me, just take a look at Aaron Judge’s Shrek like face and then look at his Instagram model girlfriend.

Written by: Iceberg

Sports with Friends: Week 1

Here is week 1 of our new segment, Sports with Friends. Our first guest’s rant written by Dylan Rabidoux:

Football changes people. Mostly for the better, unless you’re one of those anti-football people. In which case, I don’t understand you. It saves millions of people from depression as summer comes to an end. It gives the average person something to look forward to every week. I don’t care if you’re not a die-hard fan of any team, or a fantasy guru, because if nothing else, it’s a damn good reason to get together with friends.  Appetizers are prevalent, good beer is widespread, and for Christ sake, even the commercials get better.

But, with all great things, some bad comes along with them. I believe it is my duty to complain about them given the nature of this blog and its creator. So here it goes.

Complaint 1: Nothing pisses me off more than people who know nothing about football, that insist on talking about it like they’re experts. Usually it backfires, and they make a fool of themselves to anyone who knows anything. But, on the off chance that everyone in the room doesn’t pick up on it immediately, I make sure I ask refined questions to bring out their football idiocy. Like, no one gives a shit if you don’t know who Odell Beckham Jr. is.  You’re perfectly accepted in the football atmosphere if you’re just here for the guacamole. But please, don’t google how many sacks Jason Pierre-Paul had through the first 8 weeks of the 2016 season and find a way to force it into conversation. There’s a 110% chance I’m gonna hate you.
Complaint 2: The commercials. Not the quality, as mentioned earlier, I happen to think the quality doubles from summer to week 1 of the season. It’s the quantity. There is exactly one hour of play in a football game, barring overtime. How the FUCK does the typical game last like 3.5 hours. I’ll tell you how with this very common scenario. Offense is driving. 2:30 left in the half/game. The offense runs 2 plays and then comes the two minute warning commercial break. Then play resumes, the offense scores, and then comes another commercial break. This next one kills me, and mostly everyone I know. They kickoff, then go immediately to another commercial. At this point, I’m ready to rock a small child. Finally, we sit down, ready for another drive and this little red flag comes out on the field. Along with that, another commercial break.  The fact that it’s not uncommon for 2:30 of play to take 30 min real time is utterly ridiculous and disrespectful to the fans. Let’s move it along NFL, you’re great but you have potential to put people to sleep with all the delays and bullshit.
Rant over, I still love football season.
Guest Writer: Dylan Rabidoux


Sports with Friends

I don’t know a ton about sports. I know Lebron is the best basketball player. I know the Tom Brady is the GOAT. And I know everybody hates the Yankees, but I love them. I also know that everyone loves sports. From the most annoying fans to the people who just come for the dip, sports bring all of us together.

Despite it sounding like we’re all happier being together, there is one person that I despise when I’m watching sports. That’s the one person who just screams and yells and argues even though they know nothing. Its the guy or girl who wants to argue with you because they heard 15 seconds of sportscenter and want to tell you all about it. I don’t want to be this person, but I do want to add a little variety to this blog.

That’s when I realized I clearly don’t know enough about sports to do that alone. Every weekend, I have to ask someone to go over my fantasy lineup. I rather listen to Howard Stern than Boomer and Carton. Or as I was informed today, just Boomer, secondary to some gambling issues on Carton’s part. I haven’t had cable in 4 years, so I haven’t seen a baseball game in quite a while. I think the only reason I watch football is because it’s once a week. I get a serious case of FOMO when I don’t watch because 90% of America spends a portion of their Sunday watching football. But that’s all going to change now fuckers. We’re going to talk about some sports.

It would take me a serious amount of research to write about sports by myself. Frankly, I do enough research at work. I love tailgating, dip, wings, and beer. I also fucking love writing. But I don’t want to write about sports alone. I need some help That’s why I’m starting ‘Sports with Friends.’ I’ve asked a combination of family and friends who I think could write about sports. If it doesn’t work out, I probably won’t give a shit. I’ll just hypocritically write about what a bad idea it was.

Due to this change in the blog, I’m going to be a little more organized. Check in on Monday mornings at 7 and Wednesday evenings at 5 for some bullshit about sports. Tuesday, Saturday and Sunday morning at 7, and every other Friday morning, you’ll be hearing from me. So tune in and check it the fuck out folks.